10 Things I Simply Don't Care About

It's been a busy time around here. Books needing to be written. Dogs needing baths. Naps needing to be taken. And there's only so much room in my small brain. So in order to make better use of my fretting time, I'm banishing all thoughts about the following:

1. Miss California's Gay Marriage Views

She's a beauty pageant contestant. The only people who agree with her are idiots anyway, so let them clap for her.

2. How Much Weight Valerie Bertinelli Has Lost

I loved you in One Day at a Time, sweetie, but I just can't be bothered with your soaring self esteem regarding your shrinking thighs and ass.

3. The Somali Pirates

If you're stupid enough to sail through there without enough firepower to fend off six skinny dudes in an inflatable boat, you kind of deserve what you get.

4. Reality TV

It's become America's Next Top Idol Loser Survivor Apprentice Chef. And if I hear Tyra say, "The next name that I'm going to call is . . ." one more time, I'm going to shriek and fall over dead. Don't tell us you're going to call it, woman, just call it.

5. The Economy

No matter what happens, I still won't have any money. So stop reminding me.

6. Celebrities Adopting Third World Babies

It won't make you any younger, Madge, or get you any closer to winning an Oscar. Besides, you'll never beat the Jolie-Pitts. Just stop it.

7. People Becoming Celebrities for Having Babies

A note to Octomom, Jon & Kate and their 8, those people with 18 and counting, and the family with a dozen around their table -- spiders and fish have that many because most of them won't survive. Unless you're planning on losing a bunch to predators, knock it off.

8. Mass Murders

It was interesting the first time around. Now it's just stupid.

9. Twilight

Mormon vampire stories. Good in theory, bad in reality.

10. Athletes on Steroids

It's sports. Who cares? If you want to penalize them, stop paying them so much.